Abused for 9 years.
Age: 57
I Lived in a nightmare for nine years! Hi my name is Mary and this is my story.
I moved to Alabama from Detroit in 2012 and met Marcus three months into settling into my new life. I had no family and my friends were people I met through him. I was instantly charmed at first sight. For the first few weeks it seems like I was living a dream. I believed I had met my soul mate. Then the cracks started to show. He began to make little comments that whittled down my confidence.
“Oh, you don’t know how to wash the dishes properly,” or “You don’t know how to drive,” or “Oh you don’t know how to cook,” etc.
Soon, I had no voice at all. I was told I had to be quiet, because he would do all the talking. Isolated, I decided to move back to Detroit two years into my tumultuous relationship.
To make me stay, Marcus popped the question. I thought I was special since Marcus had never wanted to get married. He was totally against it. But I thought he had changed.
I talked myself into staying with the thought process that, “Yeah, sometimes he’s not very nice, but look at what’s he’s doing. He wants to marry me. He has a good side.”
But soon Marcus’s not-very-nice side showed up and progressed into physical aggression, including slapping, spitting, punching, and grabbing me roughly. The emotional abuse was nasty and at times sinister. And, oddly enough, it intensified when I became pregnant in 2017.
He took me straight to the abortion clinic. He never wanted the baby. He threatened that if I kept the baby he would ‘murder’ me. I was afraid, until I sat in that abortion clinic. I didn’t want the abortion and for the first time in our relationship, I said no to him.
His reply, “If I knew you were going to be a b*tch about having an abortion, I would have had a vasectomy.”
While the baby grew inside me, Marcus called my unborn child a c*nt. He forced me to eat raw meat and drink a lot of coffee in the hope I would miscarry. Once he made me lick his urine. This was the dark side I never saw until I was pregnant. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, I didn’t speak to anyone about Marcus’ behavior.
I was told I should go see a psychologist. So I did. In my first sessions, I realized I was in a domestic violence situation. I was so blinded by his manipulation, the shame and the lack of confidence to see what was happening around me. I had also been holding onto hope. Hope that Marcus would change, espeically after our baby was born.
The behavior got worse overtime. While I was breastfeeding my son, Marcus would wave his penis in front of me, and at times, start masturbating. He even asked me if he could be breastfed. I lived a nightmare.
During conversations with him, it was revealed that Marcus had a pornography addiction and his childhood contributed to that. He admitted to being shown pornography at just seven years of age and family members were abusive.
I recount these admissions to see if I can still, to this day, try to work out or understand why he behaved in the way he did. Particularly and especially after our son was born.
After years of abuse, I left and finally found comfort at a women’s center. I was working in hospitality at the time and wanted to keep working, but was worried for my safety and the safety of my son. I felt that Marcus would find me if I was working in a public environment.
I’m disappointed by the court system. I feel like I started having a voice, but I wasn’t heard when presenting my case as to why I feared for my son’s safety. It is my opinion that more needs to be done for women to ensure their safety and the safety of their children.
My story isn’t that unique, I just found my voice now, so others can also find their voices and speak up. I’m glad a friend shared this platform with me so I can share my story. It’s been healing for me and I want to help other women get through what I got through.