Abused for 8 Years
I always said that this would never happen to me, until it did. When I first met my ex, he was fresh out of prison. You might think, why get involved with a convict? But in the hood, it’s a regular occurrence. Plus I’m the type of person who believes everyone deserves a second chance. If only I could turn back the hands of time.
My ex seemed to come out of prison with a rehabilitated mind. He got a job working construction so he was often out of town. He also lived over fifty miles away. I didn’t get to see him much, but when I did he acted like a gentleman, buying food for everybody, cracking jokes. He took care of me and protected me. I really thought he was the one.
I can remember like it was yesterday, the first time he hit me. It was a slap, a test if you will, to test me and see what my next step would be. Being from the hood, I was a scrapper so I tried to fight back. The first time he laughed and pushed me up against the wall. He played it off and apologized later. Things had been so good up until then, I thought I had done something wrong. I wanted to fix it so I didn’t call the police. It was a tiny little spat. Couples argue all the time, right? So I married him. And things were okay but there was this nagging in my spirit telling me not to do it. I did it anyway.
A few months after, he punched me and when I tried to fight back I woke up on the floor. He started using threats that he would kill my kids, my father who was on oxygen, and anyone else I loved. After everything he put me through, I believed him. I tried to leave several times but because I didn’t have anywhere else to go, I went back. Soon I was in a routine, a warped comfort zone.
My faith in God was all I had to hold on to. God’s Word gave me strength, but I was praying for God’s mercy to protect my ex giving him opportunity to change. But he didn’t want to change, yet God was honoring my prayer. My ex was growing more and more narcissistic and violent. He would beat me all night knowing I had to work the next morning. I would pray, go to work and come home to the same beating. It was everyday. I couldn’t eat nor sleep, and I lost over 70 pounds. People thought I was sick, dying. And they were right.
My children escaped most of his abuse by staying with my son’s Granny. But after a while, she didn’t want my daughter staying with her anymore. First, he gained her trust and protected her and made her feel safe just like me. But soon he was mentally abusing her. That mental abuse turned physical and sexual before it was all over.
Two weeks before God delivered me from this evil, my ex and I were riding in the car. The whole time he beat and terrorized me. I said out of my mouth, “Lord God, help me.” And he turned to me and said, “I don’t believe there is a God. To you, I’m God!” Then he punched me in my side until I couldn’t stand up straight. At that moment I knew my prayers were in vain. I knew he would never change no matter how much I prayed. I changed my prayer to a prayer of deliverance right then.
The day the police picked him up was the happiest day of our lives back then. My daughter went to spend time with her brother at their uncle’s house. But my ex decided we were going to pick her up. He wanted to torture her by making her listen to him beat me until I was unconscious. I called ahead to warn them. My daughter broke down and told her uncle everything. By then everyone knew how dangerous he was so their uncle didn’t try to stop us from leaving, but my son came with us. They had a plan.
My kid’s uncle’s girlfriend called the police and gave them our address. Right before the police showed up, I told my kids, “It’s almost over!” I had no idea of the plan, nor that God was about to deliver us that night. It was the spirit of God speaking into my God-consciousness. A few minutes later, the police knocked on the door and removed him from the home. However, without evidence, they couldn’t take him to jail. The police escorted him to his uncle’s house.
One officer asked me if I felt safe there. I promptly said, “No. He’ll come back for us.” I knew he was coming back to kill us. We packed some clothes and got in the car. As we were leaving the apartment complex he pulled back in with his uncle driving. Two officers were still there with us, making sure we made it to safety. My ex got out of the car and tried to open my car door but it was locked. Police instructed him to step away from the car. He started screaming and foaming at the mouth and punching the car window so the police tased him. After being tased three times, he was still standing. The officers called for more backup as he ranted and raved. He bashed three car windows out of his uncle’s car using his head and it took ten police officers to take him down. He proceeded to bash his forehead against the asphalt until he split it open. Police sirens and lights were coming from everywhere. It was like a scene from a movie. I remember thinking, “Is this really my life?”
Looking back, there’s no doubt in my mind that my ex had evil intentions that night, maybe even from the start. I know me and my kids would have died that day if God had not intervened! Eight years of agony, confusion and restlessness came to an end. Now I understand how easy it is to get caught up in an abusive relationship. I’ve testified several times about our miraculous escape, but I’ve wanted a platform to tell my story on a grander scale. Thank you, Dell Mitchell, for creating a safe environment for women like me to share our stories. Hopefully, other women (children and men) will read and be strengthened either to leave abusive relationships or never to enter into one.